Here is a blog post that I wrote when I found out I am going to be in the
Club 27 Anthology from Red Stylo. It was a blast working with them and the first time I worked on something like this where I couldn't talk about it. I had worked as letterer on some things that I wasn't meant to talk about, but nothing this big or to be honest, this likely to actually be produced. Below are my thoughts at the time. I ultimately decided not to post this as I had said publicly that I was going out for Club 27 and I was worried that it would be too easy to put it together.
There is an odd thing that happens when you make things with
other people, there will be times you either are asked or ask someone to be
part of a project and the say yes. The
say yes, while it might be a rare thing, is not the odd thing I'm speaking
of. The odd thing is that when they say
yes, because there are a million and one things that can go wrong that need to
go right before a project moves from an idea to a real thing, you can't talk
about the yes. Heck sometimes you can't
even talk about talking to the person.
You have all this excitement and fear and nervous energy that can't be
let out in to the world at large. And there is also fear. Oh there is so much fear. Fear that one of those million things will go
wrong and the yes will become a no.
There fear that, it's not going to be as good or cool as you hope. And of course there is the ever present fear
that you will mess it all up and let everyone down.
Those fears became my roommates on a couple of fronts
today. Well the fear of failure and
letting everyone down moved in a long time ago.
For me it’s kind of the love child of Mystique and Multiple Man for the
X-men comic books. With every project it
stomps it foot, creates a duplicate of itself that then morphs into shape of
the new project. No matter what shape it
take, it always and incessantly whispers "You're going to wreck this. This is your only shot. They're all going to figure out you're a fraud."
Most of the time, I can tune the fear down to a dull
roar. If I'm with someone I love and
trust, I can turn it down a little more.
If I can get started on the work and find that groove, where I'm locked
into the writing or the lettering or cooking or whatever new way of making I've
picked up; well that's like putting on some noise canceling headphones and cranking
up my writing mix.
As an aside, I actually do wear noise canceling head phones
at the day job. And sometimes I'll stay
extra late and write. In fact that's how
I'm writing this now. When I do that or
even when I write at home. I have a mix of Classical and Cool Jazz that I play
while I write. I'm trying my best to be
both Paval and his dog. To train myself
that when I hear this music, I start writing.
The funny thing it's kind of working.
It doesn't always get me to that groove, but it points me into the right
direction.
Oh and note I said Cool Jazz and not smooth jazz. This is not the stuff you'd hear at a doctor's
office or on most radio stations. This
is the music that came after Hard Bop and Be-Bop. It's a lot of miles Davis including all of
one of the greatest albums ever made, Kind of Blue. Seriously the level of talent on this album
is ridiculous. Davis plays with John Coltrane
and Cannonball Adderley. Do yourself a favor
and give this album a listen.
But I degrees, the point is that I have a ton of things that
might happen in the future that I may be able to tell you about later. Or not, it might all fall apart. But there is a part of me deep down that
fight Multiple Mystique. That knows it's
just chemicals in my brain, lying to me. A part of me that know, hey I'm going
to mess some of this up, but who case, just keep making. It a part of me that knows there are always opportunity
to make more things. It's the part of me that screams in a tiny little voice,
enjoy the experience. Enjoy the process!
And that the next one will be better. I
think this voice comes from playing baseball as a kid. In little league, there was always another at
bat, it didn't matter if you hit a double or struck out, because in a couple of
inning or less you'd have to do it again, no matter what. Somehow that sunk in a little.
Now if you excuse me.
I need to go home. Freak out for
about half hour about all the wonderful/terrible opportunity that may or may
not be just around the corner. Then it's
time to bear down and start working, because somewhere in the work, the fun is
hidden and I'm going to find it. I just
have to decide which of the things that may happen to start working on first.
Till next time
Keep making things.
T.
